The Beauty of Solidarity

Hi everyone! I’m your friend Sophie, and I’m here to chat about life, the changes we experience, how to adapt to those changes, getting unstuck, and various other topics that many of us find surprisingly challenging.

Before I start, let me clarify what I am not:

• I’m not a medical practitioner

• I’m not a therapist

• I don’t claim to have all the answers

• I’m an artist, art tutor, ex-farmer, writer, cabin crew member!

MY BRILLIANT LIFE AFTER 55 …..

HOW DO YOU INITIATE CHANGE...

HOW DO YOU FIND COLOUR?...

HOW DO YOU FIND INSPIRATION?...

How does someone else’s story guide your story?….

With my first issue - What is about change that 'makes us' I discussed the beauty of changing, finding yourself, and allowing life to unfold.

A brilliant idea on the surface but now what?

Where to start?

In my previous posts, I discussed the importance of embracing boredom and letting go of the relentless search for passion. While this idea may seem dull, it makes a lot of sense. I have always nurtured my creativity by learning to let go of what clutters my creative energy. Being passionate about what you do involves being aware, present, and grateful—it's not simply about chasing a specific “thing.” That “thing” can often lead to disappointment, much like a lackluster New Year's Eve celebration. This isn’t about abandoning creativity, love, or disregarding interests; instead, it’s about eliminating distractions and releasing the quest for that elusive “thing.”

So, I’m going to discuss my excitement after the age of 55 and explore the little ingredients that make up what passion can be.

However, before excitement and passion can begin, there must be an apathy to create balance.

Nothing good comes from the joy of humiliating another person…

Conversations about change, making changes, and sharing stories are meant to offer wisdom that may help you see the lighter side of life. Humiliation can create a feeling that everyone else has accomplished something while you have not; it’s a dreadful putdown, and many of us have experienced those feelings of inadequacy.

When I was 40, I thought I had made wonderful friends in the new city to which we had moved. However, I soon realized that I had allowed myself to be used. When "my friend" threw a surprise birthday party for her husband, who was my husband’s best friend, all our friends were invited except us. Others were instructed not to inform us about the party. I was more than devastated; I felt as though it rocked my very core. Until that moment, I had never experienced bullying in my life. I have always prided myself on maintaining great friendships and relationships.

The lesson I learned was that navigating stress is a daily part of life, and it undoubtedly takes its toll. I truly believed that when I turned 30, all the stress would dissipate. Today, I can confirm that stress is a part of life but its manageable and even delightful because I have learned to tune in to what my body is telling me. After living for over half a century, I’ve come to understand that feeling overwhelmed or stressed is perfectly normal and can even be helpful.

Like most aspects of life, maintaining calm and happiness requires practice…

When you feel overwhelmed, stuck, or anxious, it becomes nearly impossible to process information. We've all had moments where we've forgotten where we parked the car or struggled to think clearly.

If you're experiencing similar feelings, you’ve likely come across numerous scientific articles discussing how our nervous systems and psyches struggle to keep pace with modern life. There are indeed valid reasons to feel stressed. The trick lies not in identifying why we are stressed but in finding ways to reduce that feeling and limit the release of cortisol and all the other scientific words and phrases that equate to being stressed and overwhelmed instead of being courageous, happy and enjoying life to the fullest.

The 'trick' is practice life and to relax! I know you’re thinking ‘profound Sophie.. very profound!

Each morning, I wake up and ask myself, "What is the message for today?" If I didn’t do this, the "luxury" of feeling overwhelmed could leave me feeling lost and devoid of the strength I need to carry on with happiness, calm, and a sense of "I've got this."

Fifteen years after the 'party incident'

I found myself facing significant decisions during another moment of grief. My mother had passed away, and a family member took it upon themselves to collect her ashes without consulting me, spreading them somewhere in the UK without informing me of the location. I felt emotionally abused, faced threats to my safety through verbal attacks, and became overwhelmed by trauma. Strangely, the incident with the party resurfaced in my mind, and I couldn’t stop wondering what I had allowed to happen that created such disrespect and hatred.

I felt as if others could see something I had completely missed….

I was paralyzed; I could neither paint nor draw, think, walk, or even speak. It felt like I was in a coma, yet I was still managing household chores, cleaning, and working ten hours a day. How do I simply, “get over this” or “accept it”? I was exhausted and felt as if I had a disease or cancer. Still, I sensed that if I didn’t muster even the tiniest bit of strength, my life would be consumed by thoughts and regrets and the person who had tried to destroy me would not have given my demise a second glance.

The real tragedy would be if I hadn’t found the energy to get on with my life.

Have you heard of "The Dance of Fear" by Dr. Harriet Lerner? She explains "that it’s not fear itself that holds you back from acting bravely and authentically in your daily life; rather, it's avoidance that is the real issue. You may seek comfort and, as a result, avoid taking actions or speaking words that could bring about fear or other difficult emotions. While avoidance might temporarily lessen your feelings of vulnerability, it will never truly reduce your fear".

As soon as I read those few short lines, I realized I had to pick myself up and continue with my day—and the days that would follow. I needed to create quiet moments for myself; to sit still in the discomfort of boredom so I could reflect and fully embrace the intense emotions of sadness, grief, and disbelief. It reminded me somewhat of childbirth—the pain would come and then fade away. I envisioned those feelings as a ship on the horizon, allowing it to approach and then gradually drift away.

Every day, I focused on building my inner strength. I worked on updating my resume, exercising, finding reasons to laugh, applying for jobs, and attending interviews. I also stopped drinking alcohol, eliminated salt from my diet, switched from cow's milk to soy milk, and made other healthier changes in hopes of positively impacting my situation.

A year later, my hard work paid off.

After three interviews, I landed a full-time position as cabin crew with an iconic airline. My strength and character emerged when I needed those traits the most. And, I had the strength to get into a life raft from the water alongside 20-year-olds; believe me, it’s no easy task.

When I announced I was closing my art studio to become a cabin crew member, the reactions were mixed. Many people were supportive, but I also encountered meddlesome questions: “Why would you do that?” and “You gave up art to be a waitress in the sky?” Some even remarked, “Wow… what a big step down" or "oh dear me" and the most irritating one, "I hope you find what you are looking for".

These moments can be challenging, but they’re also part of the journey toward reclaiming our sense of self and purpose; and my real strength came into play.

I needed a break after 25 years of tutoring art, and I needed to get away from the 'noise and nosiness' that seemed to surround me. I felt liberated by my lack of ego. I quickly learned the importance of not oversharing when making decisions about my life. Allowing others to weigh in only leads to anxiety, stress, poor decision-making, fatigue, and a lack of confidence. I could have easily said to myself, ‘everyone else is right… I should not change and find adventure for myself’! Be the outcome was right or wrong, I need to find that for myself.

My ability to think creatively and generate original painted ideas had vanished….

Letting go of the art studio was difficult for me because I had worked hard to build my business. I attended art school in Sydney, studied at Sotheby’s Institute of Art in New York, and had exhibited my work in Italy, the USA, and Australia. For years, I had my head down and was fully immersed in my work, family life, and sustaining a steady income.

The timing felt right as I lifted my head, preparing for the next stage of my life. I want to ensure that it is filled with love, colour, happiness and adventures with family and friends. I believe that being an empty nester is about embracing a new kind of creativity; it’s about exploration of the self, nature, and more.

Without the comfort of calling my mum and feeling hesitant to reach out to friends, all I could think was, "I'm 55, I can do this!"

As I waved a tearful goodbye to my husband and reassured my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that I would return soon, I found myself on the other side of the country, wandering through a completely unfamiliar environment. I had to focus on learning a new skill—no easy task at any age. This job required control, which felt like a stark contrast to the freedom I had enjoyed as an artist. However, at this point in my life, being told what to do was appealing!

Interestingly, I had never feared surrendering before. Many would be surprised to learn that I've made a significant amount of money from allowing myself to embrace my original thoughts. To those in more traditional professions—bankers, surgeons, and engineers—it's all relative, of course. What might seem like a sizable amount to one may not register the same for another. But in my world, it represented the fruits of my labour and a testament to my entrepreneurial and innovative side, which always took precedence over my identity as an artist.

I love my new job. I can feel my passion re-surfacing, and when I paint again, I will focus on capturing the beauty of space and change. This valuable time for reflection has shaped who I am for this moment in life.

This reflection has led me to understand answers for many questions;

"True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wildness. True belonging doesn't require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are. Brene Brown

Taking the time for yourself to make even a slight change can reveal the passion that often hides in the intermediate spaces of life. Passion is not a static state; it’s fluid and interwoven into our daily chores, stresses, laughter, and experiences. By allowing ourselves to pause and reflect, we begin to recognize the small moments that spark joy and inspiration, enhancing our appreciation for the richness of everyday life. Embracing this perspective can truly transform how we navigate our days, reigniting our creativity and sense of fulfilment.

Ah, the beauty of being over 55 is truly spectacular.

Thankyou for joining me

I'm looking forward to hearing from you and I appreciate your time and effort in doing so.

Kind thoughts always, Sophie xxx

blogs

What is it about change that 'makes us'? - by Sophie Mill

CREATIVITY & THE BURIED BYGONE..... - by Sophie Mill

PASSION: - by Sophie Mill - Sophie’s Substack

Website

Sophie Mill - Hamilton South, NSW - Home

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